Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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