Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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