When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
