I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
