Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
