Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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