HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
