1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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