She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
