Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
