Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
