I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
