Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
