the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
