My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
