After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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