i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize