I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
