My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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