Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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