gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
