Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
