I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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