Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
