Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Randomize
