Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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