Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
