I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize