my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
