I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I puked a lego.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize