I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
