Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
