why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
