How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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