Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
