Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
