May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
