I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
