Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
