i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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