Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I AM VODKA MAN
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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