I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
