My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
