I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
