I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
