20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
