it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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