so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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