Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
