So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
