She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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