I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
