I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
