I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
