I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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