I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
