3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
