i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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