if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
