I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
