Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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