I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize