i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
