i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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