Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I feel like death gave me a hand job
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
