Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
