We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
